Woman Begs Her Sister for Financial Support, Husband Puts His Foot Down, Leading to Potential Divorce: ‘You’re being heartless’

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 9, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Welcome back internet enthusiasts. When mixing money and family, make sure to add tact, respect, and modesty. Money is the ultimate divider; even among family members, relationships are torn apart when cash and assets become involved. Hostility, resentment, and even going no contact with family members isn't impossible when you suddenly have to decipher a will together, and realize that your cousin Becky got more money than you did. This brings us to the Reddit piece. 

The original poster (OP) is a married man, whose income is comfortable. Nothing to brag about, but they are able to live a good life. Being a good capitalist American that he is (probably), when his sister-in-law asks for a handout, he's unwilling to give it to her, citing that 'it's not their responsibility.' Hey, all's fair in love and money. But read the full piece for yourself to see who's side you're on. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH⚫ 16 hr. ago thecursedchuro AITAH? My wife thinks I am heartless for refusing to afford her sister's bills to help them 'get back on their feet'
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 02
    My wife thinks I am heartless or an by refusing to send her sister money to get by each month. While we disagree on this topic, we still love each other and communicate effectively. I just do not know how to more clearly communicate this to any party.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 03
    Her sister is under the impression that I'm just being a penny pincher who can afford to help them. While we can, it's not our responsibility. For some context:
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 04
    . • My wife and I are in a very . comfortable situation in life. We aren't rich by any means, but we aren't behind on any bills and can save a lot per month. • We have a single bank account. *
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 05
    • She does have the ability to spend however, but she doesn't spend much really outside of Amazon and w/e she wants (nothing super expensive) • We talk about everything expensive,
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 06
    like cars and w/e we may want for the future ⚫ I WFH, and used to care for child + work. • Wife is a SAHM, does not work. • Cares for our child. • Wife to quit her job at
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 07
    。 Wife to quit her job at my request due to a new opportunity which lets us have a single income which earns more than her working. She always wanted to be a SAHM, win-win • Wife cares a lot about family. I think too much.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 08
    . My sister in law (SIL) and her husband are extremely negligent with money. They have 3 kids together. • SIL and her husband lost their house over a year ago. However, instead of letting insurance rebuild or buy a similar priced property, they took a cashout.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 09
    • Within about a year, they spent all their money. 。 Lives in a $2500/month, no utils included, Moderate Cost of Living Area (average rent is about $800-1200). Their rent is over x2 my mortgage
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 10
    payment which is recent. 。 Bought a newer car $30k+ o Rent to own furnished O their entire unit (renting a duplex to reside in) Bought multiple guns and things for fun
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 11
    . o Doordash/uber eats fast food multiple times per week. Says groceries are too time consuming to buy and cook. • They have consistently asked family for money to get by. They have not paid anyone back, and most
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 12
    SIL likely will never. Instead, they attempt to offer items for trade. They continue to ask us and my mother/father in law (MIL/FIL) for money to afford bills.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 13
    • SIL wants to be a SAHM but financially they can't. • SIL continues to fall into MLM scams and spends thousands a year on product for herself or to 'sell' but in the end spends more on travel for 'conferences' and product than net.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 14
    Her husband . • Refuses to hold a job down, saying he'll get something better. • Has been fired from multiple jobs that are well paying for someone with his skills ($20/hr). Some years he'd work so much OT he'd bring. home over $100k.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 15
    • Rather work overtime than be home. . ⚫ Repeated this behavior in other relationships. Edits: Added more context for finances Wife SAHM info
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 16
    Updated bank context for people who misunderstood what permission/ability mean. I do not and have not locked or monitor her spending to prevent her from buying anything. She is freely open to buying w/e.
    via u/thecursedchuro
  • 17
    Fit_Reason7319 • 15h ago NSFW 18 NTA - Tell your wife to get a part time job, working only hours where you can be home to take care of everything, and she can give her earnings (all or part) to her sister.
    via u/Fit_Reason7319
  • 18
    Either way, have her lay out how the support and (hopefully) repayment will look. Includeing what sacrifice you and your family will be making to provide this support. Have her make it make sense to provide this support. I get wanting to support family if you can,
    via u/Fit_Reason7319
  • 19
    you just need to understand what you are giving up to do so, and make sure you are comfortable with what you will be giving up.
    via u/Fit_Reason7319
  • 20
    Bibliophile_w_cof... • 16h ago NTA. I'd ask your wife to map out how she thinks this looks Long-Term. I mean you won't have a retirement fund as fully vested as it could be if you support them, so are you supposed
    via u/Bibliophile_w_cof
  • 21
    to work until you die. Does your wife have a discretionary account she can send them? Are you supposed to fund their retirement too? And who is funding the in-laws if they are being asked for money. would send them to something like the Dave
    via u/Bibliophile_w_cof
  • 22
    Ramsey financial peace university and buy that program for them and then let them achieve that. They will never ever learn of everyone always does for them.
    via u/Bibliophile_w_cof
  • 23
    SpringfieldMO_D... • 16h ago NTA - Does your wife have trouble with critical thinking in general or just with her family?
    via u/SpringfieldMO_D
  • 24
    TheSilentObserv... • 15h ago There is a big difference between being in a dire financial emergency situation where you ask family for short term assistance and being financially irresponsible and expecting others to provide
    via u/TheSilentObserv
  • 25
    long term for you to paper over your bad financial decisions. I think your sil and bil fall into the second category and therefore you are not tah for being uncomfortable with pouring your hard earned income into them over and over again.
    via u/TheSilentObserv

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